Emotions
by CacoPhoniA
Summary: Axel has gotten the next life he was never supposed to get, and begins it, starting with searching for the love of his life: Roxas.
1. Sunsets

A/N: For one, I am sorry for my long absence in writing... 1) My free trial of Word expired, so I'm stuck using frickin Notepad. :( 2) Writer's block sucks... so I read some to get inspiration. Well, this is my first Kingdom Hearts fic, and I hope you like it. It's AkuRoku, for all you fans out there. X3 

For a while I thought that living without Roxas would be the same as it was before him.

Unfortunately I was wrong.

We got our hearts back, as Xemnas had said, but... I never had another half to go back to.

"I'll see you in the next life."  
>"Silly, because you have a next life."<p>

...I guess I was wrong, because it turns out that I have a next life.

The only problem: I couldn't find Roxas.

I had rented out an apartment in a new part of Twilight Town, (After I got a job, of course. Guess I was lucky to get it, considering there was absolutely NO record of me anywhere.)

I guess I was okay.

Well, if you count okay crying all night and staring into space all hours of the day "okay."

Shut up. I know it sounds sissified but you have no idea what I was feeling.

I knew what was happening though.

I was coming to terms that I had a heart, and currently I was more emotional than Larxene with PMS.

Why you ask?

Well, I know I sound like a cheeseball, but...

I was in love with Roxas.

Yea. It was definitely that.

The sunsets and sunrises were absolutely breathtaking in Twilight Town. For some reason, they had the affect that made everything go quiet... as if time stood still for the sun to make its big appearance and finale each day.

(What am I, a poet?)

Anyway, they were beautiful, and that's all I could really say. Plus, I preferred it to the moon.

(I'd had enough of that stupid rock in the sky at the Castle.)

I watched as the sun began to sink lower and lower into the ocean, until the multi-colored sky faded into indigo, and the first few stars began to appear. I scoffed, remembering the old "Star Light, Star Bright..." rhyme. It was ironic, really, because I wished on the damn things anyway.

Wanna guess what I wished for?

I sighed then, turning from the blackening water and walking onto the cobblestones that lead away from the sand. The lamps were just beginning to light, and I figured I should go home. Enough soul-searching for one day. I should've been searching for Roxas anyway. I wasn't gonna get anywhere staring at the ocean, right?

As I walked up into the upper part of town I could hear kids laughing and running around, and for a minute my chest hurt. Sad, none of us ever got that.  
>Nobodies had no childhoods, and even though I was a Somebody now, I still couldn't remember anything from my former life.<p>

(If I had one.)

The kids came running up behind me, speeding by, the wind from their speed causing my jacket to flutter in the breeze.  
>I watched them run off.<br>They were so oblivious to what happened around them, they were so happy.

Huh. I hadn't gotten felt that emotion yet.

Lately my range of emotions went from depressed to mildly moody.

And this one, heartsick or whatever you call it.

The next day I was in an even worse mood.

(Hey! A new one to jot down on the list: Pissed.)

First of all, I didn't want to work. But that's normal. I mean, I don't really ever wanna work. Had to anyway.

Then a bunch of kids stormed in and got mud everywhere, which I had to clean up.

Oh yea. Did I mention it was fucking RAINING?

(I sound like Larxene again.)

And well, frankly, I was losing all hope.  
>I was almost POSITIVE that I'd never find Roxas. (The horrible weather wasn't helping.) Even if I did, he probably wouldn't remember me anyway! Just like the time Xemnas made me go get Roxas. You have NO IDEA how much that hurt. Having to fight him, having him not even remember my damn name!<p>

I didn't wanna go through that again.

But I didn't want to live without him either.

I heaved a dramatic sigh, letting his name slip out.

"Dammit, Roxas."

Not two freakin seconds later something smacked the back of my head.

"Hey! What the hell?"

(It didn't hurt, it just shocked me, okay?)

I turned and stared at the new kid, who stood a good two heads shorter than me. He screwed up his face and gripped a cup in his hand.

(Guess that's what smacked me...)

"Kid, why did you hit me with a cup?" I growled, making sure to give him a glare I had been generating the last few months.

He glared.

"What did Roxas do to you?" he snarled, brandishing the cup in a would-be threatening manner.

I kept my glare intact, careful not to show anything at HIS name.

"What are you talking about?"

"What did he do to you?"

I rolled my eyes, turning away.

"We are probably talking about different Roxases here."

The kid went silent, and I felt my heart drop a little. For a minute I thought I felt some hope surge into me.

"What's he look like?"

I turned, glare in place.

"Why do you want to know?" His glare was gone, and he looked genuinely curious. Hope was creeping again.

'Don't get your hopes up, Axel.'

"Um, no reason. Just wanted to see.."

I sighed and let that little bit of hope take over my actions.

"Blonde hair, blue eyes. Kinda shrimpy."

The kid perked up, biting his lip.

"He like sea-salt ice cream?"

I felt my heart pick up speed. There was no fucking way.

"Yea. Uh... does he like checkered things?"

The kid grinned stupidly.

"Yea! Yea, I think we're talking about the same guy."

Oh Damn. Dammit. I thought that my heart might rip out of my chest.

I grabbed the kid's shoulders, looking into his eyes.

"Do you know where he is right at this second?"

The kid's eyes widened, and he nodded slowly. "U-Uh.. he likes to w-walk on the beach around this time..."

Immediately I sprinted out the door, abadoning all reason that I had at all. I ran as fast as I could manage down to the shoreline, looking around.

...What was I doing?

I stopped looking around. This was stupid. This could've been another Roxas. I mean, that description was very vague.

But...it was the only scrap of hope I had the moment, and the suspense was killing me.

Fuck it, I was going to look.

I sprinted down the beach, searching each gold-tinted face for the one I was so familiar with.

No. No.  
>Nope.<br>No..  
>No.<p>

I panted and did a 360 spin, looking all around me.

(Maybe sprinting wasn't such a good idea.)

Finally I looked up, staring at the docks.

A stream of curse words went throught my mind as I spotted my target.

Blonde hair, the same way my Roxas had it.

Huge blue eyes that could be seen even from this distance, the same hue.

Same short stature.

The same expression, slightly sad, wistful.

Roxas.

I took a deep breath, (shaky, may I add) and began to walk slowly over to the dock.

He stared at the ocean, in a zoning-like fashion, until my shoe hit the creaky wood of the dock.

He turned quickly, and looking at him looking at me was almost the death of me. Not only did I want to crush him in a hug, I wanted to bawl.

(I was pretty close. My eyes were watering.)

We stared at each other in silence.

His eyes showed no emotion at all, and neither did his face.

"...Axel." Recognition washed over his face, and his mouth opened slightly in suprise.

Wasting no more time, I attacked him with a rib-crushing hug, which, to my immediate joy, he returned with just as much force.

"Oh my god, Roxas...thank god." I breathed, increasing the strength of the hug.

He laughed, clawing the back of my shirt.

"A-Ax...You're crushing me...!"

I let up on some of the pressure, pulling away enough so that our faces were mere inches apart. I grinned.

"Not even started yet."

He grinned back. "Ax, I missed you."

I snorted. "Probably not to my extent."

He stared at me for a second.

"Whatever."

We stared at each other for a bit, a comfortable silence forming.

(We were still hugging, and I'm sure a few people we beginning to stare.)

"Ax?"

"Yea?"

"I kept my promise."

I smiled, chuckling.

"Yea, yea you did."

A/N: I WILL MAKE A SECOND CHAPTER...  
>-whispers- If you review.<p>

Sorry for the crappy ending..and middle..and beginning. D:  
>I'm out of shape in writing-world!<p>

Uh...thanks! -bows-

Oh. Flamers:  
>None of your crap please! :D<p>

-bows-

- - Yuki 


	2. Innocents

A/N: Well, thanks to the reviews I received (arigatou!) I decided to add another chapter.  
>This is from Roxas's perspective.<br>-Enjoy!

Sora and I never came back together as one, as we were supposed to.

Instead, we were made into different people, and we each got our own heart.

Only unfortunate thing about that: Our memories of fighting the Heartless, the people that we met, worlds we visited, they were all still intact. They never budged in the least.

So YES.

I do remember.

And you know what?

It fucking sucks.

I quickly fell back into my previous life, the one that I got sucked into when I left the Orginization. It wasn't hard, becaused no one seemed to notice any absence of me at all. It was just like any old day.

"Morning Roxas!" Hayner smiled, almost glowing. He'd always been like that. A bucket of sunshine.

It annoyed the hell out of me, but I fought to keep that under cover.

They were so innocent, like flower petals in a storm.

They had no idea. No idea what I had had to do to keep their way of life like it should be.

Fragile, innocent.

Like children.

So I replied like I did back then:

"Hey guys!"

(Oh GOD I was terrible at acting!)

But, oblivious as usual, they just smiled and we went off to do whatever we usually did.

During that time, even though I seemed occupied with the task at hand, really, I was thinking of the people of the Orginization.

I missed them ALL.

(Even the mega-bitch Larxene!)

But... it was Axel that I missed most. In fact, it literally HURT to think of him. Physically and Emotionally. The last time I had seen him wasn't exactly joyful or pretty. I doubted if he saw me again that he would react well.

What if he hated me?

I shook my head.

'Let's not jump to conclusions. You are most likely never gonna see him again.'

(Wonderful pep-talk, huh?)

Olette raised her eyebrows at me, looking confused.

"Roxas? What's the matter?"

I looked up, having being shaken from m thoughts.

"Oh! Uh, nothing. Thinking of something I forgot to do today."

Olette kept staring, confusion turning into worry.

(Damn it, I forgot how observive she was...)

I grinned in the way I used to:

"We don't have sea-salt ice cream!"

Hayner rolled his eyes, Pence grinned, and Oletted smiled in a relieved way.

"Is that all you ever think about?" Hayner scoffed.

'It's not a THAT who I think about all the time, it's a WHO.'

I nodded. "Most likely."

DAMMIT!

I mentally kicked myself.

Why did I have to get the number one thing that reminded me of Axel?

I guess blondes really were stupid.

All I could do was lightly nibble at my ice cream, and even then I felt a horrible pang in my chest.

Dammit.

I couldn't really process what I was feeling at the moment.

If Axel's face popped into my mind, my heart picked up in speed, my face would heat up, but my chest would hurt.

Sounded like stereotypical love to me.

Great.

I finally had a heart, and I was gay for my best friend. IF he was even that anymore.

I got up, noting the sunset.

"Guys, I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow."

Hayner shook his head. "Gotta work, dude."

Olette looked up. "Same."

Pence grinned sheepishly. "Ditto."

Uh... what the hell?

They sure as hell didn't have jobs the last time I was here.

Maybe I was gone longer that I thought.

Rain pelted the ground as I left my house.

Usually rain calmed me, but today it was just horribly depressing.

Maybe it wasn't raining down at the docks.

That seemed to happen quite a bit in Twilight Town, half-and-half weather.

I walked down to the docks, sighing in relief when I saw the sun peeking out from behind a few clouds. The ocean was as blue as ever.

I stood on a dock, watching a few boats bob around like corks in the water.

Ugh...I couln't stop thinking of what could happen to these people!

They were like glass, if nudged, they could fall and shatter.

I never wanted that to happen.

God forbid I lose the only things I had left.

Losing people wasn't fun.

I had been standing there a good hour before I heard the distinct sound of crunching sand. I ignored it, figuring it was a jogger.

But... it sounded frantic.

'SHUT UP Roxas! Do NOT psyche yourself out!'

Doing my best to ignore it, I zoned out into the ocean, losing myself in the blue of it.

The creak of boards directly behind me brought me to turn.

Red hair.

Venom-green eyes.

Those stupid tattoos.

We stared at each other for a long time.

I was surely hallucinating, but I prayed that I wasn't.

"...Axel."

Within a millisecond I was pulled into a rib-cracking hug, and I had no doubt in my mind.

It was Axel.

Everything was right. The hair, eyes, everything.

(I sound like a creeper, but even his smell...a cinnamon-pear thing...don't make fun of me!)

"Oh my god, Roxas...thank god." he breathed, squeezing me harder.

My heart hurt at the pain and relief in his voice.

I laughed, digging my nails into his back in an attempt to make him let up on the squeezing. He was still inhumanly strong...

"A-Ax...You're crushing me...!"

He pulled away, so that our noses almost touched, and he grinned.

"Not even started yet."

(My ribs would probably break by the end of the day, then.)

"Ax, I missed you." I blurted, and almost regretted it. I sounded like a lovesick schoolgirl!

He curled his lip and snorted. "Probably not to my extent."

I felt a red-hot blush rushing into my face, but I forced it down, staring at him.

(I really had missed his eyes.)

"Whatever."

We stared for a few minutes then, and I ignored a little kid pointing at us.

(Well I guess it was our fault. On the most popular beach in Twlight Town.)

Then I remembered.

'I'll see you in the next life.'

"Ax?

"Yea?"

I smiled. "I kept my promise."

He smiled back at me, and I could see real joy in his eyes. He chuckled.

"Yea, yea you did."

A/N: Well... Once again I apologize for my lack of skills in this type of thing.  
>Oh! An uh... if Notepad forgot to put in my scene dividers, I apologize for that as well.<p>

THIRD CHAPTER IF MORE REVIEWS COME IN! :D

FLAMERS STAY AWAY IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SHOCKED WITH A METAL ROD! :D

Thank you!

- - Yuki 


	3. Thoughts

A/N: Well, I've decided to continue! I was getting to feeling like a lazy bum, so this weekend I am focusing on working on some projects that desperately need to be finished. This chapter is WAY overdue. Over two months' delay. 0_0 I apologize for the lack of...whatever...I don't know what I would call it. Try to enjoy it, ne? (This is Axel's POV.)

I couldn't stop looking at Roxas. I really couldn't. At the moment, it was almost impossible to, considering the circumstances.

I hadn't seen in him in...well, I don't know how long.

All I cared about was that his hand was in mine, and we were walking around, content as any people could be. He hadn't protested when I had grabbed his hand, in fact, he had looked up and gave me a little smile, squeezing my hand in return. I felt my face heat up like the fire I used to weild, and I marveled at the pink that spread over his own cheeks. We had then began to walk, hand in hand, around town. It embarassed me a bit, but I loved the feel of his tiny hand, cradeled in my own. It made me feel as if I was protecting him, and that I didn't want to let him go. I turned to look at him. He looked back at me, gave me another smile.

Yea, I wasn't gonna let him go again.

"Axel?"

"Yea?"

"Where do you live now?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Hm. Why, gonna sneak into my room at night?"

Roxas gave a scowl and I chuckled.

"Kidding, Roxy. You can sneak into my room anytime." I grinned, liking the feeling of nostalgia that came over me as Roxas blushed and scowled simultaneously. I had definitely missed that, making Roxas all flustered. It had been a favorite past time of mine at the Castle.

Castle. No. No more thinking of that. Just me and Roxas.

"I live in the upper part of town, by the college."

"Those red apartment buildings?"

"Uh-huh."

Roxas gave me a look, and and sighed. "What?"

"Nothing. Just only you would pick such a flamboyant place to live." He grinned, squeezing my hand.

"It's not that flamboyant." I returned the squeeze, pretending that it was unintentional.

"How do you explain the flames that are painted up the side of the building, and the red porch lights and all that crap?"

"You forgot the chemical fires the neighbors start from cooking meth."

"What?"

"God, Rox, I'm kidding."

He smiled, and we continued walking in a comfortable silence, which is a lot for me to say, considering the amount of talking I do. Roxas kept a tight grip on my hand. I didn't mind.

"God, this is awkward."

I looked over at Roxas, who had stopped walking, with his eyes downcast, face red.

"What is?"

Roxas looked up at me, and I almost grinned at the firetruck red of his face, but refrained from doing so, due to the extremely embarassed look on his face. He looked confused, and that worried me somewhat.

"This. We're just...acting like everything is normal when it's not..."

He had a point, once I thought about it. We were just prancing around, joking like we had always done before. We hadn't spoken about before at all, or asked any questions about it.

"Well, what do you mean?"

Roxas looked at our hands, and I glanced down at them as well. Was something seriously wrong?

"Uh...If you want to quit holding hands-"

"No, it's not that, but it's related to- ugh, nevermind. I can't think." A squeezing sensation went through my hand once again, as if he were trying to squeeze something out of it. Then suddenly my hand was yanked foward, and my body collided with Roxas's. Arms wrapped around my waist, a head buried into my chest. I looked down at him, confused.

"Roxas?"

I felt him take a few ragged breaths, ribcage expanding and shrinking against my own, and then a slight dampness met the front of my shirt. The arms around my waist tightened, and I felt his breath grow more pained, constricted.

Oh god, he was crying.

"Hey, hey! Roxas, it's okay." I slowly sank down to the curb, pulling Roxas to sit beside me. He still clung to me, refusing to unlatch himself from my shirt. I ignored the stares from passing people on the sidewalk, and awkwardly rubbed his back in (what I thought) what would be a soothing motion. I listened to his sobs, and they hurt me with each sharp breath that made his tiny body hitch, that made him dig his nails into my shoulder.

"Axel."

"Hm?" I continued to rub his back; it seemed to help.

"Don't leave me." He held onto me a bit tighter, and raised his face to look at me. His eyes were bloodshot, red all around the edges of them. I noticed the worry lines that had developed prematurely around his eyes, and in a way it made me angry. Not at him, no. But me. Because I had been the one he had worried over.

"Of course I won't, Rox." My well-known catchphrase was on the tip of my tounge, but I forced it to stay down. Roxas needed a serious answer.

He sighed, closing his eyes. I wanted to reach out and touch the stressed lines.

"Thank you, Axel." He then leaned foward to hug me again, and I beat him to it. I hugged him before he could, pulling him closer than best friends should probably hug.

But I didn't necessarily care all that much.

Because my feelings about Roxas were probably more than that now.

A/N:  
>Yes, short chapter, unfortunately. I didn't plan on writing, so forgive the random OOC-ness of it all.<p>

Did you like it?

REVIEW. I BEG OF YOU TO REVIEW.

I'll make Roxas and Axel make out in front of you for it. T-T Please. I'm desperate.

Flamers, I'll have Demyx...drown you or something...yea.

- - Yuki 


End file.
